Friday February 16, 2007

Following the advice of Joe Schupbach, I have decided to update again.  And though this may disappoint some people, I have decided to add to the list of things I hate.

3.  Paperwork

Truthfully, I have never been one to enjoy paperwork, but lately I have found it so frustrating and time consuming.  I have to turn in a dozen different forms to a number of different offices.  That is frustrating.

4.  Getting out of breath while walking and eating.

I hate this more than anything.  So I’m walking down the street eating something.  I realise that as I walk and eat, my breath is getting short.  This is bad for a number of reasons.  First: I am just walking, I am not running a marathon, I should not be panting for air.  Second: I am eating to the point of being short of breath, that is never good.  Third: inevitably I encounter someone I know; they greet me, and my return greeting is garbled by the shortness of breath and mixed with partially chewed apple chucks.  I’m sure they walk past me thinking ‘he is a disguisting man’.  That is not good.  I hate feeling like a Fatty McGoo Fatterson because I cannot walk, eat, and breath at the same time.

In future, I promise an entry of things I love

Monday February 12, 2007

  After spending a few days up in The Great Lakes State, surrounded by people and things I love, I have become aware of how much I enjoy and love life.  Paradoxically, I also starting thinking of things I hate.  If I were to make a list of things I hate–which, incidently, I am about to–these things would be at the top.

1.  Paris Hilton

After spending an awful 3 minutes of my life watching her on television, I was filled with a deep hate.  She seems unbelievably untalented and completely unnecessary.  My life was objectively better before wasting 180 seconds watching her and her friend humiliate themselves on national television.  I was blessed that I avoided her for so long and am thankful that, like a medical immunization, once I had a controlled amount, my system is stronger and I am now immune to her. 

Paris Hilton is sickening.

 

2.   Red Delicious Apples

This apple proves, along with Paris Hilton, that being well known does not make you good.  This apple is overrated and always has been. A list of better apples would include: Granny Smith, Fuji, Gala, Braeburn, Golden Delicious, Idared, Jonathan, McIntosh, and Honeycrisp.  And the name is so arrogant it enrages me. 

You, my friend, are not a delicious apple.

I guess it’s a pretty short list.